Let Me Momsplain

I love love love my haaka!!!! I’ll be honest the first time around that I tried my haaka, I was skeptical. I had to watch a YouTube video to see how to properly put it on, which is simple, but definitely a must for first timers. What is great about this little gadget is that you can use it in conjunction with feeding your little one and create a little stash of extra breast milk. I hate pumping so this was a game changer for me. It’s light, quiet, and not as painful as a pump. I simply throw it on whichever side my little one isn’t feeding from to collect the extra liquid drops of gold. In the morning, is the best time to throw it on because your body produces more breastmilk at this time. An important thing I’d like to point out is to try and massage the side you have the haaka on little just to try and get more hindmilk (the fattier milk) out of your breast. In the morning, there are times I have drained almost 4 ounces out on the side of where my haaka is on.

The thing I love the most about my haaka is that I don’t have to worry about being connected to something with tubes all around me and having the ability to move more freely. It’s also one piece instead of 3-4 pieces that have to be put together and each washed individually. They are super affordable too. I got mine off of Amazon for $13. Yes, you have to replace it around every 3 months just like other breast pump parts, but still a steal. There are no irritating noises going on while I’m feeding my baby and binge watching my shows. Priorities, right?

Now, I would use this while I feed my baby, but if you need to pump at work I would use an electric pump. I use this to collect milk, not as my primary pump. After a day of pumping at work, my nipples are sore and raw. The haaka uses suction, but not in the same way as a pump. It’s a constant suction, versus the pulling pressurized air rhythmed suctioning of a motorized breast pump. Some people like to use an electric pump on one side and the haaka on the other while alternating each side for a pump session to reduce the soreness from an electric pump.

The overall take away from this great little invention is creating a little stash, it’s affordable and convenient. Remember, nothing drains or empties the breast completely like the baby. Whatever you get out of the haaka should not scare you about your supply. Any type of pump can only drain about 60-70% of your supply.

First, let’s get one thing clear, there should be no judgement if a woman has had a breast augmentation. Over the years, I have worked with really amazing lactation consultants and some not so great. I can tell you that ones that go above and beyond to help moms get their babes to breastfeed no matter what the issue may be, whether it is breast with implants, flat nipples, or even just plain exhaustion are truly passionate about breastfeeding. I have also encountered lactation consultants who judge right off the bat and tell women they will probably have to supplement. Now, this may be true but we need more information.

I am going to share my personal experience. I had my breasts augmentation at 17. Yes, I know very young. I was a few months shy of 18 and instead of saving for a car, I bought myself a pair of new accessories that I thought was vital to me being attractive. I wish I had more self -esteem back then and realized there was more to me, but that’s what went down. I don’t regret getting them, but I wish I would have waited and loved myself more. I guess growing up in Vegas and seeing all the beautiful women here it is easy to get caught up in superficial appearances. I also thought my girlfriends in high school were insanely gorgeous and I was constantly comparing myself to them. My plastic surgeon did try to dissuade me, by asking me if I thought this surgery would change my life. Of course, I said no but truly in my head I thought it was a game changer. He also tried to me tell that he always went for girls with pretty faces, not girls with breasts. In his own weird twisted way, I think he was trying to tell me I didn’t need it and that I had a pretty face. My heart sank when I heard this, because my first thought was great can you fix my face too?  At 17 years old, I was not thinking about breastfeeding and basically did everything wrong surgical wise to breastfeed later. I don’t remember my surgeon asking me about breastfeeding later, he may have, I just don’t recall. I know, in my mind I thought having a red wrinkly baby attached to my nipple was gross. Yes, at that time I thought formula feeding was just as good as breastmilk. Again, nothing wrong with formula feeding, but we if compare the two breast milk is superior. I hope one day we have a formula that is equivalent to it. My implant was placed over the muscle and the incision was through the nipple. Two strikes against breastfeeding in the future, of course I did not know that at the time. That surgery was done in 2003, and if we fast forward to 2010, I had to get another breast augmentation. It was not planned or expected. My first set of implants were saline. After a few years of my first surgery, I noticed a ripple on the side of my breast. I had read online it could be damage or due weight loss. I had lost about 20 pounds and equated that to be reason for the ripple. It bothered me, but no one could see it, so I carried on with life. One day, I was getting ready for work and felt really bloated, I got out of shower looked into the mirror and was shocked. My boob was deflated. It was as if someone had taken a pin and popped the air out of it. I finally found out that my implants ripple was not from weight loss, but it was actually damaged. I was bloated, because the saline leaked into my body, which is harmless but still not a great feeling to know what was once in my breast was now in my gut and would eventually end up in the toilet. Not a great feeling that my investment was literally going down the drain. To top it off, I was working as a cocktail waitress in college and my outfit made it hard to hide. So, I literally I had to hike up what was left of my breast into a padded bra and stuff it. Fun times. The second surgery, I asked more questions, but still was pretty clueless about what kind of surgery I should have. My doctor wanted to go under the muscle, but that was more expensive so I opted for gummy implants over the muscle and through the nipple again. Strike 3.

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was now a registered nurse and knew a little more about breastfeeding. I just wasn’t sure I would be able to, given all my history. The lactation nurse that I worked with at the time was so encouraging and told me that the nerves and ducts could heal and reconnect especially after a few years after the surgery. I was hopeful. I got even more excited when I saw colostrum leaking out of my breasts in my third trimester. Unfortunately, our birth didn’t go as planned. I ended being a C-section and my daughter went to NICU for respiratory distress. We started off on the wrong foot. Even though I was nurse I still had no clue how to breastfeed and with my baby in NICU it made it even harder. I started pumping and only got a few drops out. I was devastated. I felt like such a failure. I didn’t know that stress and having a C-section could delay your milk production. I also had to wait for my daughter to get off of oxygen to start breastfeeding. Since I didn’t know if I would be able to breastfeed, I allowed them to feed her formula. She was taken off oxygen while I was still in the hospital, so I would set my alarm to go feed her in the NICU. I was so nervous to breastfeed I would try to get her to latch, and she would for a few minutes and then pop off. I ended up giving her the bottle after frustration and being nervous she wasn’t getting anything. After, a week of being in the NICU, I was able to take her home. At home, I was pumping regularly while she was away and finally started getting about ½ ounce to an ounce during a pumping session. I hated pumping. By the time, I got my baby home from the NICU, they had been feeding her about an ounce and half every feeding. I’d get her to latch and she would look at me like I was crazy. She had to work for her food and my nipples don’t pour out like a nipple from a bottle. She could guzzle down an ounce and half in about 10 minutes. My poor breasts didn’t stand a chance. I pumped for about a month and dried up. A few things I would have done differently is I would have pumped more frequently and not had got discouraged about my output, because the pump doesn’t completely drain you like a baby does and its estimated that the pump only empties about 60-70% of your breasts. I also would have asked for lactation help at home. I almost felt embarrassed to and that I should know how to breastfeed an infant since I was nurse working in postpartum.

Before I got pregnant with my son, I was offered an opportunity to take a week long class paid for by my employer to become a certified lactation counselor. I jumped at the chance. I learned so much about breastfeeding and realized all the mistakes I had made the first time around. When I had my son, again I was a C-section, but he was able to stay with me and I started skin-to- skin in the OR. I fed him every two hours, but I still needed to supplement him because he was at risk for jaundice. When we got home, I was able to stop supplementation because my milk had really came in this second time around. While I supplementing, I always breastfed first, and then offered a bottle with a slow flow nipple. I was very fortunate  that my second experience was different and that I knew my milk ducts and nerves had healed. Every case is different, but if you really want to breastfeed and had implants put in, ask for help, give it shot, and learn the signs to watch for that your baby is getting milk.

A couple of signs that your baby is getting milk:

1. Watch for pees and poos *

– day one – 1 pee & 1 poo

-day two – 2 pees & 2 poos

-day 3- 3pees & 3 poos

-day 4- about 4 pees & 3-4 poos

– day 5 & on- around 6-10  pees & around 4 poos

2. Infants usually lose weight the first few days of life, but after about a week infants start to gain weight. Your pediatrician should be monitoring this, but there are some scales reasonably priced for infants you can purchase if you’re worried.

3. Infants seem satisfied, they breastfeed and fall asleep after the feeding is usually a good indicator, but if infant is getting frustrated and cranky after nursing, this may indicate that your supply is low. It is rare that moms don’t produce any breastmilk, but it can happen. Always seek help if you’ re are worried from a professional. Don’t be ashamed if you have to supplement. Enjoy your baby!

I hope my story gives people hope they can breastfeed and to always seek help if you need it. Some may say that lactation counselors are expensive, but the average cost of formula is over $1,700 a year compared to an average $120 two hour lactation visit. Another thing I would have done is way more research before my daughter came, but I was consumed with researching things I needed for her. A lot people get overwhelmed with the first baby, so just remember that baby and you are learning something new. Once it clicks for both you it becomes so natural.

Lactation Snacks

We have all heard that oatmeal is great for helping mamas increase their milk supply. It is rich in nutrients like iron, calcium, and potassium. I personally don’t always have time to have a bowl of oatmeal and not a huge fan of the texture personally, so these cookies are great for me. Being a busy RN, I’m always eating on the go, so these little cookies/muffin top thingys I really enjoy and don’t feel horrible about eating! The bananas add a little more nutritional value, the peanut butter adds some protein and fat, and the chocolates chips just add a little more sweetness and love. Hope you enjoy these, as much as I do!

Ingredients

4 cups of whole oats

5 bananas

¼ cup of peanut butter

Handful of chocolate chips

Coconut spray for pan (or whatever spray you like, this is the kind I use for mine)

Recipe:

Preheat oven to 375 F

Grind oats in a blender to make it a little finer, set aside in large bowl

Puree the bananas into of a more liquid type of consistency, its ok if there are chunks still

Mix with the oats in a large bowl, mix in peanut butter and chocolate chips

Spray cookie sheet with cooking non-stick spray

Scoop out medium size dollops on to cookie sheet (Makes about 6-8 cookies on a one sheet, I usually end up using two cooking sheets for my cookies)

Bake for about 10-12 minutes

Let cool for a few minutes & enjoy!

I throw the rest in the fridge and eat threw out the week.

While being quarantined, I have learned a few things that disturb me. For one America has way too many problems and we politicize stupid petty things, but the one that really irks me is how women are still bashed on the regular and that it is women bashing other women. When I read news articles or even gossip rags, I can’t believe the number of women hating on other women. Like what century do I even live in?

The best example is how everyone is hating on Meghan Markle. How could she make Prince Harry walk away from being an active royal house member and that she didn’t even give royal life a chance. Yes, he was born into a life of privilege, how dare she ask him to give anything up. She only walked away from a very successful career, that I’m sure she busted her arse for. She should have gave everything up for a man, to be a good little girl and be told what to do every second of her life. I mean she knew what she was getting into. Is it conceivable that a man would try on a different way of life for a woman he loved? On the other hand, it is completely ok for a woman, may be even expected, that she should move across the world, give up her career, then be criticized day and night on how she did something wrong, and the even sympathize with the poor bloke she obviously duped into marrying her. While, I don’t really care if these two crazy kids are blissfully happy or miserable because at the end of the day, they are still doing quite well compared to the rest of us, I hate how she is viewed as the villain who destroyed poor Prince Harry’s life.

I even have empathy for Kim Kardashian. Yes, I said it. This woman is now being blamed for not helping her husband with his mental illness. I’ve read comments like she should have got him help, any man who marries a Kardashian would go crazy (that one honestly did me make chuckle), and how could she let him pull these crazy shenanigans like running for president. I think this is a wake- up call for how others are so ignorant to mental illness. Do you really expect her to control everything he does? He struggles with bipolar disorder and won’t take his meds. Meanwhile, he is chastising her on twitter for her past and discussing personal family decisions at a rally with complete strangers. Yes, obviously she is to blame, let him drag her through the mud. Anyone who has dealt with loving someone with mental illness knows how hard it can be to help that individual and that there is no simple fix.

The other woman I’ve seen being bashed daily is Kayleigh McEnany. A woman cannot be pretty, smart, or have an opinion. Look, I don’t agree with all her stances, but I hate how anyone opposing automatically starts using derogatory name calling. Same with Alexandria Ocasio- Cortez. Why if you are a woman with an opinion, they are referred some inappropriate name? Men are never given dealt the same scrutiny for just being a man. For example, if you dislike Trump or Biden, they are never called dumb sluts or whores. Women are always attacked in some sexual context. It is maddening.

It is quite disturbing how many women comment negative things about other women. What happened to us? Why do we feel so entitled to have opinions on other people’s lives, when we haven’t walked a mile in their shoes? Let’s teach our daughters to be better, shoot even our sons should be taught to be better. We don’t have to agree on everything, but we can stop with the name calling and the unnecessary judging. We can do a lot better with our time, I hope. Maybe people are just going stir crazy from being trapped inside from quarantine and this too shall pass. Anyway, just sharing my thoughts, have a great day y’all!

The kids are watching….

As we encounter this pandemic, we see fear rising in not just in the U.S. but across the world. People are wiping out grocery stores and fighting over the new currency, which is toilet paper. Forget green paper, it’s all about the t.p. My husband went to Walmart and saw a woman crying in the aisles in disbelief, talked to an elderly woman who said the night before people were ripping stuff out of the crates before employees could even stock the shelves, and of course no water, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, soap or cleaning items were available. With times looking bleak for human decency and our butts, this could be a time we could show our children how to be kind and truly that love is something to cherish.

It’s ok to be scared, but do not act in fear. This coronavirus will pass, hopefully sooner rather than later, but our actions will remain in our memories. What will others remember you for? Did you share food with a neighbor or did you charge someone $50 for a roll of toilet paper? Did you make the most of your time by spending it with your kids or did you spend your time worrying?

Be a leader. Be kind. Be courageous. Be humble.

I am learning to not be wasteful. Literally every meal we make I’m eating the left overs. I know that’s not huge. Still when I think about all the food I wasted, I feel ashamed. This virus has really put my life in perspective. I am in the line of fire everyday being an RN. I am not afraid of getting this virus, but I am scared of giving it to a loved one that could be easily hurt by it. I am thankful for my job, because it provides for family. Yet, I’m sadden by seeing so many others struggle to pay bills. If you know of a job that is available make sure to let friends or family that have been affected by this crazy economy to apply. Listen to their concerns. Sometimes just letting someone talk things out and being there is a great gift. It lets others know you care. Keep being a decent human being. Small gestures or acts of kindness could mean the world to someone else.

Be selfless. Be resourceful. Be innovative. Be faithful.

While being stuck at home I am cooking more or attempting to. I am also including my kids more in learning these little things like cooking and cleaning. They are young, but this keeps me engaged with them and doing something else besides watch the T.V. Definitely, makes these little things more interesting and entertaining, but they are learning too. Right now, cooking isn’t so bad, but it should be interesting if we have to start using things spam or other canned goods. My babies are little so they are not in school, but my heart goes out to those who need school for their children so they can work or if they rely on schools for meals for their children. Offer to watch a friend’s child if they cannot work or find a local community where you can donate food if you are able to. Again, these little acts of kindness will not be forgotten.

Be responsible.

This is not a paid advertisement. Be careful it could happen to your family.

I can’t quite recall when the change started. Honestly it all happened slowly and over time. I guess you could say it all started when my husband and I decided to start a family. I was at the dealership saying goodbye to my baby. My challenger. It was brutal. The dealership guy said “Wow, this is cool car. Was it your dream car?”. I gave him a death stare. I was thinking duh, great sales technique, bud. I traded my challenger for a jeep compass. That purchase was a blow. I hated that tin on wheels. Even after I had my daughter the thing still wasn’t the right fit for our family. I was always having to bend in an awkward position to try and get her in her car seat and not bang her head or mine in the process. Finally, after we had my son and we had two monkeys to corral into a vehicle, we started looking for a different option.

A mini-van? The thought of a mini-van made me cringe, but after dealing with the tin on wheels I was open to the idea. As I started researching mini-vans, the more I started to love the thing. We decided to rent a Chrysler pacifica for our trip to Disneyland and give it a whirl. As I climbed into the thing like it was a space ship, I braced myself for utter disappointment. I looked around and was amazed. There was special place for my purse, a big navigation screen, tons of storage in front seating area alone, which basically had me sold. Mini-vans are no longer out dated, but are so dope now. I didn’t have to contort myself or tell my daughter to watch her head as I put her in her car seat and the underneath storage was a dream too. Then there is storage in the back with enough room for my double stroller, which I could never fit into my tin on wheels. Finally came the big guns, the automatic sliding doors! Others should really appreciate the sliding doors as well. I cannot tell you how many times my daughter would grab the door to the tin on wheels out of my hand and almost hit the car next to me (honestly, she may have dinged a few cars, sorry!). 

Today I am proud owner of Chrysler pacifica (also known as the war wagon). I love it. The only I regret is not getting it sooner. I never thought I’d be mini- van driving mom, but I also never anticipated how hard it is to get everyone and everything into a car when I had a family. Maybe one day I will get to drive a cool car again, but for now I am A-ok with the war wagon.

My husband and I are extremely lucky in the fact that both of our mothers live less than five minutes away from us. We actually live in the same neighborhood as my mother. I never would have thought I would want to live in such close proximity to my mother or my mother in law and then came my minions and my mind changed completely. Now both of the grandmas are my angels sent from the heavens when I need break to watch my little minions. 

We try to have a date night once a week and have a nice meal together like civilized people. Like most parents we have to eat in shifts or get up every other bite to get minion #1 or minion #2 something (ex. more juice or a new fork). We love going out, having people wait on us and taking our time to eat a meal. You never know what a luxury that is till your trying to scarf down a meal in five minutes while watching your baby make a mess with their macaroni. Lately we have been opting to stay in for our date nights. 

Today with all meal delivery services you can still eat from your favorite restaurant from the comfort of your own home. My husband and I love being able to enjoy the house without the kids. We can sit and watch a whole movie without interruptions and turn off the captions (I usually have them on when I’m trying watch T.V. with kids home). We also get to give some much-needed attention to our fur babies. I’ll admit staying in is not as romantic as going to an Italian restaurant, sitting in a dark corner booth with candles lit and soft music playing while we are waited on. The ambiance is quite different at home. I get to lounge in comfortable clothes and binge watch Netflix while stuffing my face. It’s amazing. 

 It’s incredibly cheaper to stay at home for date night too. Right now, we are a one income family so when we can save a buck or two, I’m all for it. A bottle of wine and dinner at home is about half the cost, compared to going out. I also don’t have to worry about what I look like when dining at home. Don’t get me wrong I try to spruce up a little for the hubs and put my face on, but sweats and hair up is how I roll for dining in at home. It’s also less stress and a time saver. Since it only takes five minutes to get the kiddos to Nana’s house, we get more time to relax and enjoy each other’s company. 

I feel like an old married couple when we decide to stay in and then I remind myself that we are and I love it. Every once in awhile we venture out for date night, and it is fun, but it’s also a reminder that I can’t hang like I use to. The worst is if it was a very fun night filled with debauchery, the next day hang over with kids is utter torture. For now, I’ll take a night in with the hubby versus going out. 

Obviously, the title of this blog is ignorant and incorrect, but before I had my daughter get tested and get her diagnosis this is something I often heard from others. Most of the time I heard it’s common in boys and rarely does it affect girls. I was very hesitant to write about my daughter’s journey with autism, but I wanted to use this post as a platform to bring awareness to autism and specifically to autism in little girls.  

Autism in little girls may be more common than you think. It is often underdiagnosed. Lots of little girls are shy and quiet, but then there is abnormally shy and avoidant. My daughter Elena was always shy and avoidant when she came in contact with strangers and often it appeared as if she was very fearful of others. We noticed her vocabulary wasn’t as vast as her peers but we weren’t concerned because we just thought she was a shy little individual that eventually would come out of her shell and talk more when she was around more peers her age. Elena was our first born and autism kind of crept up on us. At around 18- 24 months we began to see some regression in her speech, she started to become an extremely picky eater with her foods, and she began to have a few tantrums when out in public. Again, there were no alarms going off to make me think it could be autism. I thought it could be a speech delayment, the terrible two tantrums or I had heard children can regress a little bit when they have a new brother or sister. My husband and I were probably in a little bit of denial as well and could rationalize all her behaviors. We decided to get Elena into speech therapy to help her communicate better.

Elena loved playing with other children, but had a hard time communicating with them and I would see her withdraw from playing with them if she couldn’t answer or talk to them. It was incredibly sad for me to see her just walk away and start playing by herself. My heart just dropped when I saw this happen. I wanted to fix it for her, but I didn’t know how. She also started having more meltdowns around strangers and would scream if anyone even said hello to her. This is probably one of the hardest things to deal with as a parent because most people get offended or confused as to why a child would scream at them. One relative even said “there is nothing wrong with her, she is just spoiled.” When I heard this, I felt like maybe I was failing at being a parent. When I went to other mamas for advice, they would reassure me that Elena was fine, but I just knew that it could be something more. The best advice I received was there is no harm in getting her checked out and that it’s better to know. 

The first day we went to the Ackerman Center for Autism, I just had this feeling that our lives would change forever. We had to go to the clinic 3 days in a row so they could analyze her behavior. On the fourth day we were given her diagnosis. I prepared myself that she had autism, but I was not prepared for all the treatment recommendations. They suggested applied behavior analysis therapy 4-5 times a week for 6 hours a day, to continue speech therapy and even eventually to start occupational therapy. I was flabbergasted. I had no clue that we would have to do so much therapy. Keep in mind my daughter was only 3 years old and never had been watched by anyone but family. I was relieved that we had a diagnosis, but overwhelmed with it came with it. 

I had to leave my job so I could take her to therapy. The first day she screamed and cried and I felt like the worst mom on the planet when I had to walk away from her. The next day was easier and she didn’t scream. Fast forward to today, she throws her back pack on says bye mommy and blows me a kiss. She has been in aba therapy for about 5 months now and it has been a game changer for her and our family. It is by no means over, but we are so proud of all the progress she has made. She is talking so much more now, potty trained, and we can now go out in public without having a meltdown. If she is over stimulated, she can still have a meltdown, but we have learned how to deal with it better as parents. We calmly remove her for a minute or try to redirect her attention. The hardest part of dealing with a meltdown is trying to communicate with her and to understand why she is upset. The second hardest part is all the stares from onlookers. I always want to whip around look at them and ask if I can help them, but I just focus on Elena and try to help her the best I can.

My message is autism does not exclude girls. If you believe your child displays signs of autism (boy or girl) get it checked out by a professional otherwise you’ll be grasping at straws trying to figure out how to help your child. Also, know some of the key differences of autism between boys and girls if you have any concerns. This is a journey that you and your family does not have to go on alone. It’s amazing all the people that have come into our lives that want our daughter to succeed as much as we do. My best friend mentioned her concerns for family member with autism and how treatment could be expensive. My family is very fortunate to have great insurance so the cost for treatment is not much for us (without insurance it would cost an arm and a leg). There are programs that can help families without insurance and therapy clinics that do pro bono work. Don’t give up hope and always ask for help. There are great support groups made up of other parents going through the same thing or have gone through similar situations that can give advice if you need it. My advice is to join a few support groups, get on multiple lists to see a doctor for a diagnosis, because there is usually a wait list. Also, get on multiple lists for aba therapy (again there are wait lists), and refrain from internet overload. The internet is great place to get information, but not everything out there will pertain to your child.

I hope this may help anyone on the fence of getting their child checked out (always go with your gut). Autism is not an end of the road diagnosis. Getting your diagnosis for your child is the first step into getting treatment to help your child and your family. Remember it’s called a spectrum for a reason and no child is the same, so not every treatment will work for every child with autism. This is where as a parent you can help navigate their treatment, because you know your child better than anyone else. Best of luck to anyone on this journey. Stay strong. It gets easier and fun (yes, I said fun)!